Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
