He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
