He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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