I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
