on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
