i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
