Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
