The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
