i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
