Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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