never play flip cup with pint glasses
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
