I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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