Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
