You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont even know how to be here
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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