I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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