We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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