Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
