What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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