Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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