So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize