Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
