just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize