none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
