I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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