My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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