Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
