we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
