what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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