The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
