he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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