i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
