hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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