oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
