Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They took my balls.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
