there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They have beer where we have blood.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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