Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
