my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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