don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize