So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
