will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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