just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
