Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
