So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I believe in your delicious
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