Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
