I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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