I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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