Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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