Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
