So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My ass is underappreciated
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
