Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
