Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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