you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Success! We fucked roommates!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
