The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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