You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
