dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
