Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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