the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
