oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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