I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
