They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
