Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How does it feel to date your dad?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
