look no pants
Non-Jews are for practice
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
