guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
