seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
