Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
