Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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