i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
