I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
