Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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