Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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