I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
