I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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