My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
