we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
