So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
