I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize